Armenian/American love

So as I said in my previous post, yesterday I travelled to the tiny little village of Arteni, to go to a wedding. This was no ordinary wedding; this was the wedding of a Peace Corps volunteer to a Host Country National, or HCN as we say. Not just any HCN either, this was the wedding of my friend Scott to his counterpart Mary!! That is right; he married the person chose at random to be his lifeline in Armenia, kind of makes us question how much is really ever random!! No Peace Corps volunteer ever comes to country thinking that they will find the person that will find their true love. Most of us don’t even think we will find anyone to date while we are in an isolated part of the world. During training the doctors explain to us that no one ever thinks they will fall in love here and most take a vow of celibacy but that statistics show that in fact most of us will actually find some sort of love and that many of us will marry the person that we find. I can remember hearing this and laughing with my friends as we all said yeah right, and I believe my friend Scott was one of those people.
So that Scott fell in love with his counterpart is an unexpected course of events, unless you were around on the day that all the TEFL volunteers met their counterparts that is… On that day, Scott fell in love at first sight, and since that day there has never been anything else on his mind other than making Mary his wife. In November of 2010 we had a counterpart conference with all the English teachers and their colleagues. We were sitting around having some beers when Scott announced that he wanted to marry his Mary! At the time I thought he was absolutely out of his mind, at that time I had still not adjusted to the culture and couldn’t see how any American could have a serious relationship with a HCN… let’s just say my views have changed since then…
So as you can see the love story of Scott and Mary is one that is described with one word: DESTINY!! Really, I haven’t been this excited to witness a marriage in a long time and I was so glad to be able to take part in such a beautiful mixture of American and Armenian culture.
When I first arrived to Arteni with my boyfriend, neither of us really knew what to expect, as this wedding was neither Armenian nor American but instead a hybrid of the two. When we arrived we were greeted by a large number of Peace Corps volunteers who all came to support Scott, but what was most exciting was seeing his parents standing around anxiously not really knowing what to expect. I tried to imagine what they must be feeling, this being their first time in Armenia, not speaking the language and never having witnessed an Armenian wedding. I thought back to the first Armenian wedding that I attended almost two years ago, and remembered how confused I was but also how interesting it all was to me. I guess what made is so amazing to me, is that they were brought to Arteni of all places, a place that even my Armenian boyfriend commented about the poverty there. I can’t imagine what they thought seeing for the first time where their son has lived for the past two years and where their new daughter grew up. I also thought how amazingly lucky Scott is to have two parents that were willing to make such a long journey to share this day with their son. What’s more, they actively participated in every step of the way, from dancing with the Armenians (more of just clapping their hands), to placing the levash over the bride and grooms shoulders after the vows were said, to taking toasts with a group of Armenian men, when they really had no idea what was being said.
I have to say that I loved every moment of the wedding but my favorite part was when all the Peace Corps young women were invited in to watch the bride get dressed. An Armenian woman belted out a beautiful song about the brides dress and her wedding day as loud as she could, as this is usually the job of the groom’s family, but being that only Scott’s mother was there, and she doesn’t speak Armenian, and the rest of us girls don’t know the song, she went at it alone as the bride was tied into her dress and pearls were put around her neck and on her ears. Scott’s mom explained to us that the earrings had come from her mother in law, which made it so much more special, and a fantastic sweet blending of cultures. The Armenian woman, red in the face and no longer able to carry the weight of being the sole singer asked us to sing. We all looked around for a moment and then out of nowhere someone began singing Going to the chapel… I can’t tell you how beautiful and sweet it was… possibly all the more beautiful because we really have some girls who can sing. The Armenians sat around us staring and smiling and the end gave us a huge round of applause…
Really it was such a magical day, and because there was a huge amount of Americans who had no idea how to Armenian dance, I even had a great time dancing with my boyfriend, though mostly he laughed at us all. And for the first time, I tried, and learned to dance the traditional Armenian folk dance that I have seen at every single wedding but have always been afraid to take part. So congrats Scott and Mary, really I think that the two of you were destined to be together and wish you all the happiness in the world!!

An Armenian Engagement party

Recently I went to an Armenian engagement party. The first that I have ever been to. Manya and Gayane, teachers at my school, were throwing the party for there brother. My counterpart and I arrived a bit early to the party and played with Gayane's babies as they set up for the party. Manya's mother makes the best gata in all of Armenia, really, and kept insisting that I eat some, and I happily obliged, no wonder I have gained so much weight in this country!!!

When school was finished the rest of the teacher's from our school joined us at the house and we all sat down for a delicious and typical Armenian feast... there was just one problem, where were the bride and the groom?? No one seemed to mind that they had no showed up. We ate and drank toasts in their honor, but not once did anyone mention when they would come, or if they would come. Finally after we had been at the party for half an hour the groom came. He took a shot with us and then retired to the kitchen. We continued to eat in Armenian fashion until the bride came in. Now the bride had no relations to any of us at the party. We all in fact were only friends with the groom's sisters, but we made a seat for at the table, filled her plate with food and made toasts to her. I sat and watched her and couldn't help but to think of how strange she felt or how out of place. Here she was at her very own engagement party, without a single friend of her own. Her groom to be in the kitchen with his father, and strangers on each side of her. Her presence merely as a figure head, a sort of doll to be admired but nothing more. Soon the teachers began to dance, as the teachers at my school always do, and they demanded that she join them, and she did very timidly. As I watched, I tried to imagine what she was feeling. Was she nervous? Did she wish her groom would come and rescue her from a room full of strangers, as I most certainly would had I been her? Her face was blank and hard to read, but luckily it was explained to me that there are many engagement parties that a bride and groom go to, some will be with her relatives and friends, and some with his. I have been to 4 or 5 weddings here and I still can't get over how little the bride has to do with everything. How little attention she garners, and how much the family takes. It seems to me that Armenian weddings, are in the most part about the grooms family and have very little to do with the couple themselves. I can't help but to compare it with American weddings where attention is lavished on the bride, and everything tells a story of the couples love. There are many Armenian traditions that I love, but the more I learn about the weddings here, the sadder I feel for the bride. Just once I would like to go to an Armenian wedding where the bride smiles as if it is the best day of her life and she is truly happy. Just once I want to see her family happy and crying tears of happiness not sadness. Just once I want to feel as if the couple is so in love that they can't live without each other. I know that there are many weddings here where that is the case, I just haven't seen one yet

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A big fat Armenian Wedding part 1

The moment I have been anxiously waiting for and dreading all at the same time has finally happened. Many of the other volunteers experienced this cultural exchange within the first three months in country, so you can just imagine my anticipation for the big event. Every little girl dreams of this day, no matter what country or culture they come from. Yep he proposed… oh wait, that happens on a weekly basis here, and it is definitely not what I dream of. No I finally was able to attend an Armenian wedding!!!
This wedding has been the talk of Spitak for months! It was suppose to take place in October, but the week before the big event, the bride’s grandmother passed away. They re-scheduled for two weeks later, and as it happens that week the groom’s grandmother passed. Talk about unfortunate timing. Finally after about a month of waiting the wedding was re-scheduled and I was somehow invited. Now my relation to the family is as follows; I teach the youngest daughter Sylvia and she is in my English club. Other than that the bride and groom once picked me up while I was walking in the rain and drove me home. I had never met them before and was shocked, and a little frightened that they knew where I lived! But apparently that is all it took to be an honored guest on the biggest day of their life!
So why have I been dreading this day? Well, where to start? For one, the day I found out I was invited my host mom came into my room to inspect all of my cloths so she could choose what I would wear!! No joke! She sighed as she went through my dismal wardrobe, searching for anything that would work. She found the one black dress I brought for special occasions, and with a look of distaste said it would work unless I wanted to go buy a new dress! HA on a Peace Corps budget? Yeah right! I explained to her that I had to pack everything I would need for two years and was told to bring a conservative dress, not anything too fancy. She offered to sew it up for me to make it shorter and tighter, I apologetically declined. Then I received a lecture about how I should do my hair, how I had to wear heels and she made sure to tell me a number of times that I had to wear pretty makeup. Does this mean I don’t normally wear pretty make up? Aye Kez Ban, she took all the excitement out of me, and made me feel like an ugly American duckling! Then of course my brother had to chime in and told me I must start practicing my Armenian dancing! If you know me, you know I don’t dance, I just don’t. So the thought of having to practice Armenian dancing for a wedding where everyone would be watching me, scared the hell out of me!
A few days before the wedding, my school is all abuzz with the news that Miss Alyssa will be going to the wedding. The people who were not attending were excited for me to experience their culture and wanted me to report back to them what I thought. The people, who were going, were even more excited, telling me I had to dance with them, and makes toasts and such. No pressure or anything! And of course everyone had one question, what are you wearing?!?! You have got to be kidding me, I thought. I moved out of L.A. to a village and the cloths I wear are still important?!? This is a erie side of Armenian culture, though they may not have money, what people wear and look like are still very important here. It is a huge part of the culture to look your best, wear the cutest shoes and wear pretty make up. I rarely see young women in Armenia not looking their best, once you are married it is a different story, but the whole goal of adolescence through young adulthood is to find a husband and one must do everything within her power to do that.
You can imagine how much pressure I felt the morning of the wedding as I got ready. I took a shower and “blow dried” my hair. I put on heavy eye make-up and my best dress and high heeled boots. When I walk out of my room to make myself some coffee my host brother and mom are waiting to see me. “Alyssa Jan, can’t you do something with your hair? Do you have gel or anything?” Umm no, I am in the Peace Corps, I did not bring hair products. Thanks a lot!
As we got into the cab to be driven to Spitaks only restaurant I noticed something very fishy, my host mom was wearing jeans!!! Yes jeans! What the hell, she can wear jeans but my black dress isn’t fancy enough?!
To be continued…